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Chuck Norris Widget 2.0
I know that many of you thought it would never happen, but very, very, soon my Chuck Norris Widget is going to be updated. The new version will have lots of new facts, a nicer design, and a few other cool features. Post all of your Chuck Norris facts in the comments for this post, and they’ll go into the next version. If you have any other ideas for the widget tell me.
About Me
20 year old undergrad in CS & Physics, co-founder of Freeversation, faux CEO of Politician Market, and former software developer at Check Point.
I am interested in social startups, information security, and robotics. Read more about me
Contact
Email aantny [at] gmail [dot] com. If it's interesting, I can code it.
Dragans can breathe fire; Chuck Norris can breathe dragans
how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if the woodchuck was chuck norris? A pretty damn large amount!!
Chuck norris poops out old men to use for target practice.
Thanks for making all these hilarious jokes about me. It’s really too much.
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds till.” After you ask, “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t fuck with Chuck!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
oh yeah. That’s a lot.
It is commonly believed that DUIs are the source of most car accidents. However, this is wrong. Most car accidents are caused by seeing Chuck Norris in a car. Not only is everyone trying to get out of the way, but you never know who he is looking for.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks under the bed for Chuck Norris.
So far that’s good. Keep it coming. I want to add a lot of new facts to the widget.
They say that Jesus walked on water. Chuck Norris walked on Jesus.
Chuck Norris is so amazing, he can belive its not butter.
Chuck Norris can find the corner in a round room.
Chuck Norris can find the corner of a round room.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
Chuck Norris once ate the steak equivalent of an entire cow in 1 hour. 15 minutes to eat the steak, 45 minutes to screw the waitress.
The ten commandments say not to say god’s name in vain. But there’s an eleventh: god shouldn’t say Chuck Norris’ name in vain.
Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Don’t even glance at Chuck Norris. The image of a roundhouse kick coming at you at a high speed will be burned into your retinas when you die.
Humans ask Jeeves. Jeeves asks Chuck Norris.
Scientists have theorized about the end of the universe, and they realized that it would probably end with a very, very powerful roundhouse kick.
The energy shortage could be solved if scientists could figure out how Chuck Norris works. Too bad that he’s killed all who have tried.
Chuck Norris once killed 15 people in 1 second. He walked away from the incident muttering “When Chuck Norris doesn’t want Girl Scout cookies, Chuck Norris doesn’t want Girl Scout cookies.”
Chuck Norris got bit by Dracula… and Dracula broke his teeth. Chuck Norris proceeded to round-house kick Dracula so hard that all the vampires that Dracula had made all became humans and he ceased to exist.
If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you in the face, you will fly around the earth 20,000 times
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
70% of a human’s weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris’ weight is his dick.
Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never fucks up.
Chuck Norris took both the Red Pill and Blue Pill.
Chuck Norris created the Bering Strait by skull fucking the Earth into submission.
One time during a game of baseball, Chuck Norris hit a home run that left the Earth’s atmosphere, traveled to another galaxy, and nearly hit Han Solo’s head. Han mistook this for a blaster shot and killed Greedo in response. It was the second longest home run Chuck Norris ever hit.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the shit out of viruses. That’s why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
Chuck Norris once beat a Korean in an MMORGP.
Ozzy Osbourne once bit the head off a bat. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris then bit the head off Batman.
Chuck norris failed his first degree black belt test, no joke.
Chuck Norris, not Chuck Taylor, was the one who invented Converse Allstars. Chuck Taylor was created because Chuck Norris didn’t want to be associated with lowly shoes.
Chuck Norris began evolution by roundhouse kicking some primordial sludge and saying, “Get off your ass and grow some legs.”
The saying that something is as easy as shooting fish in a barrel was originally “It’s as easy as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking anyone. Anywhere. Anytime.”
It takes 8 minutes for light from the sun to reach Earth. It takes 0.00000000000001 seconds for Chuck Norris’ fist to reach your face.
Chuck Norris once shot a bullet at someone by flicking it from between his fingers.
If Chuck Norris wants steak, he simply stares at a cow. After a while, the cow will skin, gut and fry itself out of sheer terror.
If you touch your willy, you will go blind. If you touch Chuck Norris, you will be obliterated.
Chuck Norris can believe his eyes.
Chuck Norris’ smile has extraordiary healing powers. If only he would smile once in a while.
Chuck Norris can chop off your head with a spoon. So never ask him for one.
Chuck Norris is always right.
Chuck Norris can eat just one.
If Chuck Norris wants an omlette, he grabs a bird and squeezes an egg out of it.
Bullets cannot actually pierce Chuck Norris’ skin. When he is doing a movie, they have to tape blood bags to his body and shoot those to get the bleeding effect.
Chuck Norris picks his teeth with the splintered femurs of ninjas.
love the widget, makes me laugh ever time, Im coming up with more facts so hold tight
Babe the blue Ox and Chuck Norris are the same person.
I have to thank Chuck for being so tolerant. This blog is a great excuse for a grin.
Chuck Norris can jump off a 10 story building and not get a scratch on himself.
Chuck Norris is really buff. He works out 92 hours per day. I know it is hard to belive.
ricky martin said livin la vida loka
chuck norris said round house kick u into the sofa
In Kindergarten, Chuck Norris Recited the alphebet 1,000,000,000,000 in 0.0000000000015 seconds. That was when he studdered.
Chuck Norris once looked at the facts about him. He said they were lies. Each fact is way better, so much better you can’t imagine it.
When Chuck Norris sneezes, the wind is so fast it is about 100 times the speed of light. That’s why hurricanes start. It’s Chuck Norris’ mini sneeze. More like his breath.
Chuck Norris once went on a vacation to Hawaii. He didn’t take a plane. He used his heat vision to telaport himself to Hawaii. But there was a herd of nasty sharks that came from greenland. Chuck Norris ate 1 for breakfeast, chucked 1 to China, and dumped the rest into a watedump. But really there weren’t any sharks. He wanted some to be there so he could have something to do.
Chuck Norris is real. But he had clones. Chuck Norris made clones with his night, heat, fire, stinky, bright, blinding, vision. Some were his breakfeast. But Chuck Norris thoiught he could do all the work himself. So he sent the clones of to a cheeze factory with his force power. Now Chuck Norris bought a large condo because all the money he made off the clones being sold. But he blew it up and sold all the remians to a guy. Now he lives in his heat vision bubble.
the only way chuck norris could die is if he decides to prove to humanity that the end IS VERY NEAR!
Chuck Norris doesnt practice voodoo but he can shrink heads with his bare hands!
chuck norris was einstiens tutor.that was in 4th grade.
Chuck Norris knows what you did last summer.
Chuck Norris does not read books. He tapes them to his chest and waits until he absorbs the information.
Treat others as you want to be treated. Unless you are Chuck Norris. Not even the golden rule applies to him.
Chuck Norris once was a famous high jumper. He was already a black belt in karate. He also was a famous sky diver. But that all changed. Chuck Norris had to leave his careers and go preschool. So daily he would think of the days behind him like when he took driver’s lessons at the age 16 seconds and how fast he learned algibra at age 1 second and how he kicked a polar bear and flung it to Arfrica at age 0.000000000000001 seconds. If you ever get to talk to him alive then he will tell you about it. But normally, he thinks you are a bad guy. So he uses his heat vision and the drangons he breaths to send you away.
Contrary to superstitious belief, ghosts don’t exsist. They are too scared to come back.
Christans look forward to armagedon, so they can go to heaven, Chuck Noris looks forward to armagedon, he would like to finish his fight with the anti-christ…. and all of the devils of hell. It is quite an unfair fight….. for them.